Mirada al abismo: benvenuto

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Desde algún tiempo hacía aquí he cuestionado mí capacidad de querer, mí capacidad de entablar una relación, desde un tiempo hacía aquí me he culpado por ello, he culpado a quienes me han obsequiado experiencias de temor, a esos que me han dado estocadas de dolor, lo odio, odio sentirme aquel tonto que no podrá.

Me he despedido un par de veces, me he enamorado una y torturado todo lo que llevo de vida; cuan complicado se ha tornado todo esto. Ahora mismo me cuesta el confiar, me cuesta pensar que alguien se fijará en mí, que habrá una segunda vez. Algunas veces siento la necesidad de tener una relación, cuan lamentable me he vuelto, que decepcionante es mí situación, camino sin pensar en más, algún día llegará… alguien lo hará.

¿No resulta interesante el cómo todo puede cambiar de un momento a otro? La vida no es más que una ruleta, una montaña rusa, llena de altas y bajas, un simple juego al cual debemos tomarle gusto. Hoy me he despertado abrigado por los rayos del sol que se colaron por la ventana, hoy la luz me resultó amigable, las melodías de los pajarillos en las cuerdas eléctricas parecían casi celestiales, una sorpresiva sonrisa se plasmó en mí rostro, una imagen se retrataba en mi mente, sí, era su imagen, su silueta, todavía estaba viviendo aquella cena, todavía podía oír su voz contando su vida, el cómo articulaba cada palabra, me perdía en sus labios, aún más cuando los rozaba con sus dientes dándoles un ligero mordisco.  

Cuando salimos de aquel restaurante la noche parecía más cálida, las estrellas brillaban más de lo normal, decidimos caminar hasta un parque; yo no hacía más que mirarle, perderme en sus pequeñitos ojos; de repente y como si hubiese leído en mí rostro el deseo por besarle, se abalanzó sobre mí, cerré los ojos mientras nos besábamos. No se alcanzan a imaginar lo que experimenté en ese momento, esa conexión absoluta, esa sensación que te invade de pies a cabeza, el sentir cómo tu sangre fluye con más intensidad llevándote a un clímax.

Durante mucho tiempo he oído que no hay edad o tiempo preciso para enamorarse, no es cuestión de lo que vivas con una persona sino cómo lo vives, cómo lo sientes; supongo que es posible enamorarse por segunda vez pues lo que hubo en ese momento fue para mí un renacer, vivir ese deseo de congelar el tiempo, de detener la vida y quedarme ahí, con él, besándole, mirándole.

El reloj marcaba las 3:00 AM, ya en frente de mí casa me abrazó, me tomó de las mejillas y me besó, «Me ha encantado conocerte» – dijo. Mi cuerpo se tornó frío en el momento que sus brazos se separaron de los míos, había sido lo más bonito que durante algún tiempo había podido experimentar, esas palabras, esa mirada, no había gravedad que pudiera afectar mí felicidad.

Hoy me despertado recordando, viviendo la noche anterior, disfrutándola; hoy me despertado sin muros emocionales, con ganas de saltar al vacío, sin miedo alguno a lo que pueda suceder, hoy me he despertado sonriendo mientras él se pasea libremente por mí mente.

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